Currently Listening Enjoy The Ride By Sugarland see related

What a coincendence that I decide to make my last entry to this Xanga site almost three months to the day since my last post...my the roads this site has seen!

Life is good. Is it always easy? NO. But I am me again. Me. And I have been for several months now. The revelation that God didn't abandon me in Texas, but that He rescued me was the turning point. Joy came back to my heart and my relationship with Him took on new meaning.

Through the urging of one of the lovely succulent women in my small group, I read the book "Captivating". It confirmed things I'd always felt and/or wished for in my heart. Another turn in my relationship with God. I see Him differently than I did before because for the first time I know how He sees me. It changes everything....truly, HE is my Knight in Shining Armor.

I'm young and there is so much life yet to be lived and I'm gonna live it. I look to the future with hope in my heart and joy in my eyes and some attitude to boot! Since songs have been so much a part of my blog, I'm gonna end it with one

...I've been leavin' it up to Fate.

Well it's my life so it's mine to make

I ain't settlin' for just gettin' by

I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life!

Tired of shootin' too low so aim the bar high

Cuz enough ain't enough this time

I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything!

So that's it. I've been given another chance and I ain't settlin' for less than everything; so just watch and see where aiming the bar high takes me!   If you know me, you know where you can find me now. Be blessed! Thank you, God, for giving my life back to me. To YOU be the glory forever and forever.  

Music Still Speaks Best For Me

Music has spoken so much to me for several months. It has words when I don't have any. There have been two songs by Nichole Noordeman that have profoundly impacted my heart, which had been shattered and my faith, which saw it's biggest crisis of my life; thus giving me a big leap toward being a whole person again. I'm happier. I cry a lot less. I see light shining into the end of the tunnel. I've decided to share a portion of the one I listen to over and over and over when I feel myself going backwards. It is a song of admitting where I've been and proclaiming where I want to go. It is a song for Jesus, who's been right behind me all time. I only needed to turn around and see Him:

Cuz it's been fear that ties me down to everything

But it's been Love, Your love cuts the strings!

So long, status quo, I think I'll just let go

You make me wanna be brave

The way it always was is no longer good enough

You make me wanna be brave

Brave....Brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame

Every storm will start with just a drop of rain

But if YOU believe in me, that changes every thing

So long....I'm gone....

So long, status quo, I think I'll just let go

You make me wanna be brave (Oh I wanna be brave!)

The way it always was is no longer good enough

You make me wanna be brave

Brave.....Brave.....Brave

Words of Encouragement from Jesus...by way of Third Day

Well, I was there when you were torn apart
Now, a piece of you is gone
Somehow, you wish that you could only find a little strength to carry on

You've tried so hard to make it on your own
That your heart has come undone
So I am here to prove that I alone have the power to overcome

Don't let your heart be troubled
This world will never keep you down
It will never keep you down

So rise up, My friend
No, this will never be the end
So rise up, My friend
And live again

I didn't want you to feel this way
It's not what life was meant to be
And so for you, My friend, I'll take your pain
You can give it all to Me

Cause you've wrestled with demons everyday
And they've dragged you to your knees
But in your weakness, you will learn to find
That I will always be your strength

In life or in death, through joy or regret
And all of the secret things you have done
No matter what comes, My friend
Nothing can keep you from the love of God!

Generally Speaking.....but

Generally speaking, I'm doing better. I do my best to listen to the wise advice of those who have either been where I am or to those who love me with only my best interests at heart. I'm getting to know some women from church, tho I do have to remind myself not to hang on to the ones I've moved away from, or that live far away, but to be grateful for the moment and for their desire to be friends with me. The best news of all was that we did a "bug bomb" in the basement and my arachnophobic anxiety (greatly increased by recent sitings) has gone down dramatically. I'm sleeping better and feeling less stress while I work.

But the sadness is still there. TIME is the great healer, I'm told. I need to work harder on allowing time to get me to the ideal place for the right thing at the right time. I'm too much of a go-getter sometimes, tho in other areas it can be good, I reckon. But in situations like these, it's hard to remember that time is my friend.

I find that songs release what my words can't say; especially when I change the words a bit to make them better fit. Here's another of the many songs that have been added to my blog over the last months:

There were no angry words at all as we carried boxes down the hall * one by one in the moving van they went * Nothing much for us to say * one hug goodbye and I drove away * sobbing my heart out till Austin was far behind * Didn't want to face the night in that lonely bed * shoulda climbed in bed with Barb instead *   

That night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep * And I cried myself to sleep; so sure life wouldn't go on without you * Lord, the sun in blinding me as it wakes me from the dark * I guess the world didn't stop with my broken heart

Clock's still ticking, life goes on * radio still plays a song * as I try to put my scattered thoughts in place * It takes all the strength I got to climb up in the moving truck * the first of many mornings without you I have to face * Tho you don't call to see if I'm ok, I look out the window and I just say.....

Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep * And I cried myself to sleep; so sure life wouldn't go on without you * Lord, the sun in blinding me as it wakes me from the dark * I guess the world didn't stop with my broken heart

Oh I guess the world ain't gonna stop for my broken heart........

The chorus, especially touches me. "last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep and I cried myself to sleep; so sure life wouldn't go on without you. Lord, the sun is blinding me as it wakes me from the dark. I guess the world ain't gonna stop with my broken heart.

But that's the good news. The world continues. I see progress in how much less time I spend crying and how much more quickly I smile or laugh. The world has continued on and I don't want to stay stuck in my bewilderment and sorrow. There's too much to live for. Maybe like I said in a previous post: All hope is not lost. 

A Song About Sorrow